when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
