she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
