dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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