Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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