If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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