i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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