It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
