She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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