There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
