She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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