She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
