I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
