During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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