call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
