Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize