Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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