No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
