She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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