that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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