Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
