i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
