Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize