You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
