Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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