Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
