I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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