found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
