Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
