Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We're too hungover to prance.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
