your parents love me but you hate me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
