hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize