Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
