he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
