It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
