I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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