you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
