new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
