I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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