bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
