ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
