Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
