My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
