found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
