I am puke
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
operation have a gay friend backfired
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
