I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
