Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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