Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize