So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
