people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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