Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
