rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
