last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
