Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
