i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
