yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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