I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
