we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
