I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
