You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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