I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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