Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
