I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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