Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
