I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
