i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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