I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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