we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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