It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
