he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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