Don't you send me to vm
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
