No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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